The Siphoning Of Our Souls

So I don't know how to best tell this story but let me try. I am very anal about checking my gas gauge every night when i get home so I know whether or not I have to make time to stop for gas the next day. Well the night before last I did my normal routine of checking and I was at a little over quarter of a tank. In other words about a $40 worth of gas. So I went to sleep thinking I don't have to worry about taking out a loan to fuel my car in the morning. Little did i know (pause for dramatic music) that some piece of shit low life was going to exact his/her revenge on the gas companies and foreign oil prices by pilfering my cars life force. Now it was somewhat early in the day (12pm) when I left work I had made it about halfway when I noticed that every little bit of my gas was gone and my car had just started to sputter. I can not possibly describe to you the amount of anger that flew into me, especially knowing fully well I had gas when i went to bed that night. For a brief minute I actually assumed that maybe just maybe I read the needle wrong the night before, it was sort of late when I got home. So I calm down pull into the nearest station, go to unscrew my gas cap and realize its barely even screwed on. A good idea if your stealing my gas and don't want to make any noise its one of those ones that click loudly into place. My original assumption was right some loser stole my gas. Now after I calmed down I started thinking about the situation and for no reason is this ever going to be cool but I thought some scenarios in my head that would make a shit stain of a human being do this.

1. They were poor and need the gas to a. get a job or b. go to a job

2. They suck at life.

3. They are trying to make a profit by siphoning and then selling my gas.

4. They are an environmental nut job (you know who you are) and decided if I am driving an SUV than I should have my gas stolen based on some warped principle.



OK If the culprit is a member of the first group I'm truly sorry for you financial problems but I hate you anyway and you could take a bus you douche bag. If you are a member of group number two well I can't really help you. Your a waist of your dads sperm and should do the world a favor and step into oncoming traffic where people whose gas you haven't stolen yet can enjoy running you over and maybe backing up a couple times as well. If you are a member of group number three please read above comment about group number two and try and make it more creative for the viewers at home. As for group number four I'm all for saving the environment, to a certain degree. Yes i drive and SUV and yes it uses a lot of gas, but did it ever dawn on you to that I have a reason for driving SUV. Reason one I'm not a small man in fact I'm fat so I don't fit in you little hybrid matchbox toys very well. I'm also a musician so on the occasion that i actually play somewhere I have to lug all my equipment around which doesn't fit in a Yaris quite as well as it fits in my SUV. So in response to you siphoning my gas the next time your hugging a tree I hope GOD sees fit to throw some lightning your way just for fun. I now have to spend, in addition to filling up my tank again, a ten dollar lockable gas cap.

P.S By the way if you want gas prices to go down we should use less of it which means by stealing my gas and making me buy more isn't helping fuck stick.