Monday, February 23, 2009

WARNING WARNING SELF LOATHING TAKES PLACE IN THIS RANT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I've given fair warning in the title anyone reading past this line is by their own fault.
I'm sorry to my readers because most the time all i do is complain so prepare yourselves because I'm going to start again you can stop reading now if you want. I've recently discovered that my life will never just be easy. Now don't misunderstand me i really never thought it would be i just thought that maybe I could get some easy patches every once an awhile. I was OK on money until Xmas and then all of a sudden all those student loans decided to call and harass me when i was at my most broke . I hate my job and want kill myself everyday i have to work just because of how unbelievably its like high school. the funny thing is it isn't the high schoolers working there that make that way. I had another job prospect lined up but that fell through do budget cuts thanks to the recession thank you American government. Now i am exploring other options for the future. My love life has been nonexistent for some time now do to the fact there is nowhere in Salisbury to meet women that you might not have to wash vomit out of their hair by the end of the night. (the only thing to do in this town is drink it helps people hide the fact that they live in a shit town.) Due to the fact that drunks annoy me even more than cheerleaders I don't frequent our ever expanding bar scene. Just once I'd like to have a couple days go my way. Alas i think that the first step to this problem would be leaving town but that takes money and the government doesn't want me to have any of that or fun so this could take awhile. I haven't been able to really drive either due to the fact my car has broken down and i cant afford to get that fixed either because to do that i would have to get my registration renewed and there is something about paying $150 for 2 stickers that only last a couple years that i am opposed to.
Granted i have some understanding roommates that have no problem driving me but i hate being a burden on them. I also came to the conclusion that i might be the reason (might!) none of my relationships workout but i think i can work on that next time. See i told you this was going to suck you should have stopped reading after the first sentence. I'm sorry I'm in a bit of a self loathing mood please ignore my whining.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I LOVE LISTS

OK so everyone else is writing these and I have been tagged in both so I decided I'd try and come up with 25 completely random things that some might not know about me.


  1. Ever since I saw "High fidelity" I'm obsessed with lists preferably top 5 but for this one i will make an exception.
  2. I only realized that i like sour cream about two years ago and it pisses me off.
  3. In the last 2 years I've become better friends with someone than I originally thought possible.
  4. I secretly love to watch romantic comedies they are hilarious and sometimes deserve Oscar nods. Mainly because despite the host wanting to be funny the whole thing is way to serious.
  5. I'm a Fantasy dork, the genre is new to me but i can't stop reading it and will take suggestions from anyone.
  6. I miss smoking pot and wish it was legal. Nuff said I won't elaborate.
  7. I hate bars I've never understood why they are considered a good place to meet women. Its loud you can't have a decent conversation. Not to mention drunk girls and people in general are one of the most annoying entities in the world.
  8. I think all dogs that don't at least come up to my knee(basset hounds excluded) should be put out of their misery from birth. P.S. I'm a dog lover I like cats but dogs are way cooler.
  9. I agree with Bryan H. Bryan's do rule but only if they have a Y in their name.
  10. I have no idea what i want to do with my life I sometimes think about teaching but I also think i would like to be chef and I'm pretty sure i could wipe the floor with anyone who ever competed on "Hell's Kitchen."
  11. I have more musical and film knowledge then I let on just because some people already think its weird.
  12. Bryan H. and i could run a late show and it would be awesome but we also had ideas for a sitcom that would have been awesome as well.
  13. I wish i could find someone that could honestly make me happy but i really don't think its possible.
  14. I am a huge "Buffy the vampire slayer" fan although I'm not embarrassed about it I am embarrassed that I also am a huge fan of the " Gilmore Girls" that show was so funny an intelligent that other shows have a tendency to pale in comparison. those to leading ladies were so hot it hurt.(Trying to salvage my masculinity with that last part)
  15. I have little to no respect for traffic cops i think they are one of the lowest forms of life and have trouble not letting them see it when they pull me over. Real cops bust real criminals not write tickets for someones stickers on their car not being up to date.
  16. There are so many places in this world I want to see I just don't want to go alone.
  17. Not long ago i was a nationally ranked tuba player and was proud of it. But now I never want to pick it up and play.
  18. I lose respect for people who think today's rap should still be considered music.
  19. I wish i believed that the FDA wasn't out to keep us sick for as long as possible and in league with doctors to steal money but they keep feeding me otherwise.
  20. I wanted to be payed for just being me but I can't find someone to give me money for that.
  21. I miss the mountains something about the view just used to make me smile.
  22. Modern art is not real art that's why they had to expand the name to modern art. Jackson Pollack is a joke anyone can make "art" by throwing paint at a canvas but it takes balls to do what i did in kindergarten and call it art.
  23. I miss her. (Don't ask)
  24. I don't get fashion and i don't ever plan on it but apparently the idea of being comfortable has gone out the window
  25. I'm addicted to World of Warcraft and i blame Nicole.

That's all i got I hope its interesting.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Office Space Mentality: also known as Fuck It

As of late I've become very disenchanted by job not unlike Ron Livingston's character in Office Space. I dread the idea of waking up and going to my job everyday. Even on days off I find myself not able to enjoy the reprieve cause i know the next day will suck. I just can't do it anymore, i don't know how the ones before me have lasted as long as they have. So needless to say I've been exploring my options and looking for another job. My biggest problem is when ever I'm looking into other jobs all i can think about is the fact that when this country started people worked jobs that were a necessity to the community: doctors, teachers, blacksmiths etc. This thought depresses me every time i think about it because I feel like society in a whole has gotten away from this ideal. Our doctors are money grubbing whores who won't touch a patient unless they have the proper insurance because they know they are improperly trained and are going to fuck up sooner or later. Our teachers are underpaid and treated as a low class servant/babysitter who are handcuffed into teaching to a test instead being allowed to be creative in a classroom. Remember no child left behind even if they are dumb as shit.

Sorry i started to rant. Anyway I've decided to teach I want to at least feel like I'm making some kind of mark on society even if a little one. I would rather be paid for making a difference instead of wasting my life in retail or food service. What would i teach you ask; well I have two talents in my life being abnormally good at Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon and music. So since they won't let me teach children about Kevin Bacon movies I'm going to fall back on music. :) I'm going to attempt to get a job teaching high school general music, and in the hopes that they pass the ruling against the high school assessment tests that are restricting our teachers from doing anything worthwhile in a classroom, I will hopefully be able to teach the kids about music history and how all styles of music can be connected in one way or another.(just another form of six degrees of separation really its my bread and butter.) So wish me luck as I pursue this venture and hopefully I'll be able to teach our youth that the music our elders listened to isn't that bad.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Forgetting my Sarah Marshall

OK So i just finished watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" for like the third time and if you haven't seen it and you like seeing Jason Segal's penis then i recommend watching very funny.
But i have one problem with these semi-chick flick movies that are made to appeal to the testicle having sex. All of them lately seem to have a male character losing his once horrible girlfriend or going through some huge life changing event, ("Elizabethtown" has both) and then directly afterward meeting this girl who completely gives them this new outlook on life and is just unbelievably a perfect girl for them. I don't get it do these girls exist because I've never met one and I'm tired of these movies making me feel like i should be waiting to meet one in some amazing "meet cue". But then i started to think about in another way these writers must kind of dislike women for 2 reasons. the first one being the fact that just about all these movies have a bitch a horrible girl that cheated on the main character or just completely fucked him over in some other way. The second they are doing what the "Lloyd Dobbler" character of John Cusack did for men in the eighties. Giving false hope that this kind of girl is out there I don't think any girl could live up to how cool Natalie Portman(garden State), Kirsten Dunst( Elizabethtown), or Mila Kunis(Forgetting Sarah Marshall) actually are in these movies. By the way if any of these girls are reading this leave a comment and ill give you my number because you In my life right now would be great. But back on topic why do writers do this why do they always paint this unrealistic picture of relationships, and before you say "Bryan its fucking movie you jack ass its supposed to be fictional." I know but I've seen movies where they do make it more realistic and they don't lose anything but the acting is not nearly as good so maybe the writers were going for that and the actors just fucked it up. If you I have to give a for instance i recommend watching the movie "Love & Sex" with Jon Favereau and Famke Jansenn ( On a side note I'm pretty sure I spelled both names wrong) If you pulled anything from yet another worthless rant of mine I hope it was a few good movies to watch and if your semi attractive a chance to get my number.

Monday, November 3, 2008

THERE IS NO GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN

Alas fans of the mafia I have returned. Sorry for long silence but i had things to do and figure out in my life. But enough of the boring stuff time to rant. What the fuck happened to Halloween this year?! I know I'm older and i shouldn't care because i can't really trick or treat anymore but damn it this year sucked. I saw exactly 2 count them 2 people in costume this year and neither were under the age of 25. I blame a few different groups for this. One are the religious zealots who have scared everyone into honestly believing Halloween is an evil abomination. They are obviously unintelligent asses. I also blame those sickos who fuck with kids candy. Why would you ever fuck with candy its one of the few joys left in life and you it with drugs or razor blades. i also blame us low life men who only want to see girls dress in slutty outfits. Don't get me wrong I'm just as bad as the rest of them but all the creativity has gone out of Halloween. A girl now just thinks of anything makes it a little trashy and that counts as a costume. I'm still waiting for the day i have to see a wookie in a short skirt. (trust me it will happen sooner or later) My roommates and i bought two bags of QUALITY candy and do you want to know how many kids came to our door. None! I am fat I do not need to have two giant bags of candy just lying around the house(by the way its almost all gone). Then i read this article about two children and their father who go trick or treating after a party just for some extra candy and when they ring the doorbell are shot by a shotgun from inside the house. What the fuck who does that. Especially on Halloween. I also blame parents because nowadays parents a lazy sacks of shit who don't want to walk with their kids around a neighborhood so they either make them stay at home or send and older sibling who is barely old enough to walking by themselves with the kid. Get creative get off your asses and stop fucking with my candy I'm done..

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Open Letter To A Moron #2

Dear People who wear sunglasses indoors,

You ARE RETARDED there are only ever two reasons to wear sunglasses indoors and judging by the look of most of you it scratches the stoner reason. However unless your eyes have just been dilated which I doubt most the time they have just don't do it. You all look like tools, as well as complete and utter douche bags. I really have to struggle not to smack that shit eating grin off your faces. Your not cool and your not being mysterious. YOU ARE JUST BEING STUPID.

Thanks for your time,

B

P.S. For your own protection, unless your Corey Hart don't wear them at night either. (I'll Find you one of these days Corey, and when I do you will truly know pain. (Insert Evil Laugh)